Tuesday, February 7, 2012

the girl with the blue sweater.

There's this place here called Monkey Joe's. It's all inflatable play place thingies. There's an area for kids under 3, adults are free and toddlers are like $5. I figured what the heck, it's better than sitting around the house listening to Elmo and Liam screech that he can't lick the window/wipe his schmeckle on the wall/throw the ipad/put banana in my ear/whatever.

It opened at 10 and we got there at like, 10:10. There was one employee there. Some dude with long curly hair and glasses, probably around 19 or 20. We walk in and he starts busting into some weird song about bananas as he puts a wristband on Liam. I'm wondering why he's being an idiot if there is no managers/coworkers around to enforce mandatory idiocy but whatever. He works at Monkey freaking Joe's, he must be going insane. Then he puts the wristband on me and starts singing about my graceful hands. Uh...ok. Thanks? he finishes lovingly placing a neon yellow wristband on me and Liam and I go as fast as we can to the jumps. it's silent except the whooshing sound of the air generators. This guy walks by every two seconds, and each time he's moonwalking or doing some weird chicken dance. I pretend I don't see him, then he comes up and starts asking me, WITH A KAZOO, if I'm a dating single parent.

I'm a bitch and I started to laugh. What the hell else was I supposed to do? He's got a kazoo in his mouth and is doing some weird dance while he is talking to me...like some weird bird on Nat Geo trying to get a mate. Maybe he has social issues and I'm a total jerk for making fun of him but sorry, it was freaking awkward. Conveniently at that moment Liam decided to put his hand down his pants and yell "POOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!! EWWWWWWWWWW STINKY!!!!!!" so I went and changed him.

Later, we are hiding in the back of the place, going down this alligator slide thing with some other kids because by then, 4 or 5 people have shown up. All of a sudden I hear, over the freaking intercom, a voice interrupt the Jungle Book music that had started playing while I was cleaning Liam's ass. "This song is for the girl in the blue sweater!" and that "I wish that I had Jesse's Girl" song started to play. Heads turned and my blue sweater probably turned navy with the amount of sweat that started pouring out of me at that moment. I grabbed Liam's hand and we ran.

I get to the door and there is this giant old lady in a referee shirt (at least they have more than one employee, jeez) blocking the door with a pair of scissors shouting in a growly voice, "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?????" Apparently they have to cut off your wrist band and match the numbers to the sign in sheet to make sure the girl in the blue sweater isn't stealing children.

Mr. Romance spent like 10 minutes checking our wrist bands against the sign in sheet. WTF DUDE, YOU ARE THE ONE THAT CHECKED US IN AN HOUR AGO.

I finally get Liam buckled into his seat and he goes, "home?"

Yes, please. Who the hell is this possessive Jesse anyway?

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