Lonely nametags.

Old men in a singles group with their nametags stuck in an earnest and hopeful manner across their shirt pockets sitting all alone at a table with crestfallen expressions break my heart.

The world is crashing.

People are mad. Fighting. Killing eachother. Starving. Stabbing. Crying. Hugging.

A few minutes ago some guy was outside in the street staring up at the sky and screaming an unintelligible babble of cuss words. He is crazy, dirty, homeless, and probably on drugs.

The sad thing? I identified with him completely at that moment.

Sometimes I'm tired of helping people. Tired of offering comforting words or giving or smiling. Tired of doing what I'm told and being a decent citizen and not stealing or killing or standing out too much.

Sometimes I want to drop everything I'm doing, tell it to go screw itself, and go outside and cuss out the sky.

I was in the movie theater with Ava and Dean when my phone rang. I checked my voicemail after it was over and it was a message from the pharmacist at Walgreens, saying a detective from Pinal County sheriffs office was looking for me. Apparently he had found a prescription bottle with my name on it in Apache Junction.Wtf?

I couldn't figure out what they were talking about. I don't take prescription drugs.So I call the detectives number he left the pharmacist and he kept acting like I was hiding something when I said I didn't know what he was talking about. I was starting to get upset when it suddenly hit me.

I have a prescription for prenatal vitamins from a long time ago (apparently they have a lot of iron and B12 in them and since I'm SuperAnemicGirl they were supposed to be good for me). I never filled them, but then my friend from nursing school got pregnant and didn't have a doc right away so I filled mine and gave them to her. A few days later her car was broken into and her bookbag, purse, and the vitamins were stolen. But this was last month so I had forgotten about it.

I started laughing and told the detective that and I bet the guy was driving around thinking he had some awesome drugs that were actually women's vitamins.Anyway, he said that they stopped the car for a traffic stop and they ran, resulting in a home barricade and I probably heard it on the news blah blah blah. I was like OMG, that was it? He said yup, and finding my prenatals helped them link the guys to a string of other robberies. So now the guys are being charged with 12 counts of felony burglary and a prescription drug charge (over hardcore vitamins. Ha!).I just looked up the news story. I think it's hilarious. I was watching the car chase on the news. Never thought my pills were in that car! http://www.azcentral.com/community/p...519-ON-CP.html

He said I'm considered a "victim" of theft now, whatever that means. I'm hoping that's just a label because I REALLY don't wanna drive out there for any reason to talk to them. I just thought this whole thing was kinda funny.

It starts way too early.

What Ava does instead of getting in the tub like I ask her to. I'm washing Dean so my hands are too soapy to grab her and throw her in.

She's 4 and she can work my camera phone better than I can.





But oh sweet and utter chaos, I love love love these kiddos.

Well crap.

I thought I was going to get through the day without getting all weepy but I guess not.There was an old man inside Trader Joes asking for an application. Probably in his 70's. He was saying he had lost everything with the crappy economy, and was eager to work. He said he knew he was old and he hadn't worked in several years but he was strong. He tried to flex his muscles. The manager said he'd see what he could do, and then old man slowly walked out of the store back out to the bus stop.God I wish he was in a garage somewhere, happily tinkering away on some vintage car instead of working away his golden years so he can eat and take care of his wife. Screw all this.

How's this for ironic?

So my grandma died on the 12th. We all know that. One of her favorite bands was Supertramp. Her favorite song was The Logical Song. For her funeral, I made a DVD and wanted to use Goodbye Stranger by Supertramp for the song. I got shot down however, since the majority of the people at the funeral wouldn't get it. So I picked another song that worked just as well and was more tear-inducing and funeral appropriate.

Fast forward to today. For our last semester we're doing a practicum, which is basically a short externship, at a hospital of our choice to help get our foot in the door to get hired when we graduate. We picked three places, and would get one of those. Well, it didn't work out that way and hospitals weren't wanting students so after some people not even getting picked, it boiled down to most of us probably getting a position we didn't really want, but we'd have to suck it up and be grateful.

We got our assignments today, and somehow I managed to get my first choice anyway, so now I get to be in the NICU at Phoenix Children's Hospital! I'm excited, but a lot of people were bummed so I felt bad. My first reaction was to get out my cell phone and call my Grandma since she's been waiting to hear where I got assigned to. She was so excited about me being in college and follows every detail of it. Then I remembered she's not here anymore, so I got sad. Got in my car, and turned it on. The song on the radio? Goodbye Stranger. I got chills.

Then, after getting gas and doing other things, I turned my car on again. The Logical Song was playing.

Coincidence? Maybe. But it makes me feel better to think that for once in my life, I had someone keeping an eye out for me and she wasn't letting it go unnoticed. That makes me happy. And I haven't been happy in a long time.

and the world shattered.

I randomly woke up last night at 3:45 and was wide awake. Thought nothing of it, peed, and went back to sleep.

My phone rang at 7:16am, it was my grandpa saying my grandma had died in her sleep overnight.

She wasn't sick. I just talked to her last week. It was totally and completely unexpected.

I loved my Grandma so much. I feel so out of control and lost. I don't even know what to say except I need this screen to stare at because it keeps me from laying in my room and screaming.