He's fired.

The Shrimp woke me up at the butt crack of dawn to eat. I was nursing him in bed half asleep when some explosions went off in his diaper and I suddenly felt my stomach and thighs get all warm. Figures. Shaun had put a disposable on him, which I HATE because he ALWAYS leaks out of them. He smiled a blissed out smile as I pulled him away from me and found myself covered in orange sticky crap. He was covered too. So were our sheets and comforter. I yell for Shaun to help and he brings wipes then proceeds to dry heave and thrash around on the floor half laughing and half gagging. I'm wiping the kid off when he pees all over his face and the bed. I pick him up to get him out of the mess, thinking he's empty and I'm safe. No. He pees, again, all over me, my lap and chest.

I decided we both needed a bath at that point, and he didn't object (in fact, he was just chillin' the whole time looking at me like he wasn't naked and we both weren't covered in poop and pee). I laid him back down to go start the bathwater and he proceeded to barf all over himself.

At that point there was not much I could do other than take a picture and submit it to www.shitmykidsruined.com. So I did. And the owner emailed me back wanting to know if they could have my permission to use the picture in the book they are publishing in November. My kid will be famous for his trifecta of nasty.